West Coast

Wow I haven't blogged in a while eh? huh
life happens i guess.

honestly i've been busy.

I'm currently on the west coast, Vancouver to be more exact, just relaxing and taking a little vacation before my busy summer begins. I like it here, so laid-back and care-free.

I've decidded something. I'm going to blog weekly starting next week, every Sunday i will have a new blog out. haha i doubt anyone actually reads this but thats the way it will be.

I know this is short but my time is short, plus there are lots of things to do here.
Walk
Shop
Read
Play Soccer in the park
pretty much nothing and everything at the same time.

to be continued.....

SUNDAY!!!!

Writers block

All these thoughts are rolling around in my head and yet I can not connect them enough to write them out in a way that makes sense to everyone. I believe that is what professionals call...writers block.
Huh. I always wanted to be a writer when I was younger, I even wrote a book called; "Tara the Cripple". It was obviously about a crippled girl named Tara. The other characters were based on my imaginary friends at that time; Danielle and the other-less important-one. My favourite thing i ever wrote was “The Ham Sandwich” a short story that in grade 7 got me into a writer’s convention. Wow i am a big shot!
My mom always said that i should be a writer, and it seems to me that moms always know best. Especially my mom, it’s almost as if she can predict the future.

Hmmm the future. That is a scary concept.

Everyone stresses out so much about their future, their choice of post-secondary education, and their future career. I have been out of high school for 2 years and i have received no post-secondary education. But i have received a whole heck of a lot of post-secondary experience. Yes i would love to go to school someday, but sometimes don’t you just want to see the world? And get to know the people in it?
Get to know the people and cultures of this world and you could change the world, conquering one injustice at a time.

Okay so stress is a huge part of your future and i think that pressure is another big hurdle to get across. I have grandparents who come from the generation where you get a good education, a good paying job, have a family, work and die. Yes maybe if it was the 1920s and we were in a depression that might solve everything. My grandparents want me to be a doctor, and no matter how many times i tell them that being a doctor has no interest to me at all, they still don’t understand. Don’t get consumed with the pressure that parents, grandparents, teachers or even friends put on you.
(Of course i’m talking to myself here too)
I know a God of peace. I know a God who will take away the stress and take away the pressures and just let me rest in his arms, his loving arms. John 14:27 says that God will give us peace, and not peace as the world knows it, that we should not be afraid. Wow. Easier said then done eh? The way i see it is that if you find the things you are passionate about and you do something to develop those passions then nothing can stop you.

Have confidence. Find something you love. Go after it. Let nothing stop you.

Then when your future comes you can say with no hesitation; “I was born to do this”.

Everyone has the desire inside of them to change the world, to make a difference. Can we really do that?
Of course we can.

I'm tired. Tired of people.

Do you ever just get tired of people? Of talking, of listening, of giving advice, of taking advice or just plain tired of being around people. I feel like it would be easier and less tiring to be around strangers....people that won't ask you questions about 'where you have been this last year', 'how your family is', of 'what i next'. Strangers don't care about your life. Too bad small towns are very scarce with their strangers. Growing up my whole life in this small town it is easy to say that I will ALWAYS run into someone I know when I leave the house. I'm not ready for that. There is so much going on in my mind, the climate change, culture change, lifestyle change, family change....everything has changed.

I have changed. What do you do when you change and then you come back to people who are still the same....and then expect you to be the same? The are always trying to fit you into the old mold of you, when instead you want to show them the new mold. I think the worst is parents. They know you real well and they have an expectation of who they want you to be. Your friends might know you better but they are experiencing change themselves. You parents just don't understand sometimes.

So what do you do? Go back to that old mold of yourself that you have grown out of? Or push through what might be a hard time, stand firm in who you are and break the mold? I feel like staying in bed for a month. But that's just me.

So what is is that I need? Patience? Grace? Both? I think what I really need is love. We always need a little more love. More revelation of Jesus' love for me will bring a greater understanding on how to love others. Jesus didn't fit into a mold, he didn't fit into a group of people. He was set apart, he was an outcast, and he was a history changer.

He knows what we need. He knows us. He knows me. The REAL me.

Jesus you know my thoughts. You know how tired I am of people, how I don't know how to cope with this change, and how confused I am. Give me what I need to get recharge, to get understanding, and to get clarity. Show me how I can be more like you. I believe you love me, and I know you answer my prayers. Thank you for understanding. I love you.

"Lord tell me your ways, show me how to live. Guide me in your truth and teach me, my God, my Saviour. I trust you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5